Heavy Holidays

Ah, the holidays.  It’s a time for eating and more eating.  In the states, it’s the time of year we see the heavy populous get even heavier.  I love the food and festivities, but I really love the unique health advice I get from folks about staying fit through the holidays. 

If you are like me, you either move up a weight class or you diet prior to the holidays in order to remain at your usual weight.  Either way you are wise enough to understand that being the 100% sober guy in the corner chewing on a celery stick is out of the question.  It’s not fun and generally it’s a drag on everyone’s good time. 

If you take advice from the unwashed masses, you might be doing any of the following:

            Riding your bike for the remainder of the year

            Isolating yourself from everyone by staying home

            Only visiting Vegan friends (you KNOW you won’t eat)

            Using every known fat burner under the sun

            Running a marathon or dirt obstacle course

            Spending at least an hour per day in a sauna

            Considering liposuction

            Digging up your old batch of phen phen

            Only drinking (mostly rum)  until the end of the year

            Praying to your deity that you don’t break your diety

           

And my personal favorite:

           

            Eating tofurky (tofu-turkey) & sides “cause it’s the meat that makes you fat”

 

 

I know some of these seem funny or a little sad.  I’m not kidding or making them up.  I’ve literally heard everyone of these ideas spew from a living person’s mouth since September of 2012.  At times I found myself wishing the Mayans were right. 

How is it that relatively intelligent people turn into gullible boobs when it comes to their health?  I’ve watched some of these same people do online research just to find the definition of a word that someone used in a game of Words For Free, but they will take their health information from the local rag with the bad picture of Kirstie Alley on the cover from the grocery store check-out line.  

           

The bottom line is that most people will end up with more than a few pounds to lose after the holiday season and they will walk – not run – to their nearest gym to clog up the works for the rest of us.  Some will have the decency to simply pull their shake weights out from under their beds and shake their way back to a girlish figure.

(pause)  Just let that image sink in a bit.  OK.  Let’s move on.

So if you find yourself frustrated from waiting too long for the guy to finish SQUATTING in the SQUAT RACK so you can finish your BARBELL CURLS (with a ten pound plate on each side), ask yourself if it wouldn’t be wiser to just be a little more proactive next year to avoid having to be so active ever again.

Have a Happy, Heavy Holiday!

Stay sarcastically strong!